Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
