hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
zippers are such a cool invention
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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