i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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