you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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