But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
