Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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