ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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