if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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