Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize