Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
