i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center