he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch