I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.