I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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