Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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