we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
