you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
