Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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