So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
