Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
