what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
