Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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