Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
