she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I believe in your delicious
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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