We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
