if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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