The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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