Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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