Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
