I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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