nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
please come you make the beer taste better
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
