You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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