I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
