How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
