I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm really busy with my period
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