He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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The police scanner is talking about you again....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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