Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
