Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
