After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
