omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
