i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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