how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
