He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
