3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
