i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
