I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sext me about skeletons
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
