I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
