people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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