I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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