So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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