it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
did i just pee glitter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
