The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
