Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
