Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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