let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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