I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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