sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mom said you looked used
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
