I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
