You're my little dorito
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize