marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize