I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
