I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
