Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
