and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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