There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
