no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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